Thursday, August 31, 2017

8/31/17 - Coming Together

Taking it all in can feel like trying to hold water in your hand.  It’s there, so clear and cold as it slowly slips away.  But each handful is different.  Trying to process something that is always changing is a great challenge that I see worth exploring through art.  There is something special about conveying ideas through imagery: reading into colors and forms that echo into different meanings.  There can’t be a dialogue without different points of view.  Let us all welcome each other to stand on one another’s ground and although it may look different than our ‘normal’ view, it’s all part of the same landscape.....

There are moments in waking life or in dreams that we perceive a connection between ourselves and the universe... or, mother nature, the infinite, the unknown, or god if that’s what feels right – it’s all the same to me.  Whether we are alone in some personal physical endeavor, deep in meditation, desperately injured or ill, in an altered state, seeing clearly in sobriety or through the hazy veil of drugs, faced with the weight of reality or the blinding lightness of insignificance, within ourselves or with the one we’ve become entangled with in the tapestry of love... life offers, at times, a mere glimpse beyond what we normally see and hear, smell, taste, or touch, that comforts us and scares us, that keeps us guessing, and trying to understand this living riddle. 

There’s no one answer for us all, we see the same world but it filters through all our senses differently.  Little points of consciousness we are, thinking we ‘get it’ when everyday, everything is changing.  What is there to hold onto?  Life can feel fluid and confusing but then, there are those quiet moments of bliss and clarity where everything seems to stop; moments that only mean anything to us until we try to describe the indescribable to others and realize there’s a bigger picture here and we can’t see all the way to the edges.

Friday, August 18, 2017

8/18/17 - Home Sooner Than Expected

I’m guessing I’d be somewhere in Kansas right now if I had continued on the bicycle trip I planned for this year.  Tires turning mile after mile while I take in all the new places and people that are tough to avoid on a long-distance ride.  The daily dangers of weather, angry drivers, and hungry wildlife would be the rushes of adrenaline I’d be feeding off of as well as the excitement of finding the perfect baseball field to pitch my tent in, free of charge.  But I’m not dealing with any of these things right now and I’m actually super happy about it.

While last year’s bike trip was everything I hoped for and more, I couldn’t seem to take in anything else from the experience this time around.  I was on the road for about a month, traveled up through Vermont and into Canada and all the way over to Toronto by the time I’d had enough.  I was presented with an easy way home and I saw it as perfect timing, something too good to be reduced to a coincidence.  I took the ticket and in a long, overnight drive with some friends, I was back home like nothing ever happened.

There were a few moments on the drive where I was wondering if I was making the right choice.  I trained so hard for this trip and wanted so badly to feel the freedom of living on the road again.  When my 7 month long bike trip ended this past Winter, I couldn’t wait to get out and do it again.  I felt more myself on the road than I had ever felt; more confident, and more connected to nature and the powers of the universe that we’re all victims of, for better or worse.  Maybe it was the adrenaline, all the endorphins my brain was firing off with all the physical activity but I was definitely addicted to something, and I wanted more!

More....anything, you could say.  We’re all capable of achieving anything, we just need to want it badly enough.  In a short time after being home in March, I decided to push myself into other uncharted territory, online dating.  Yikes.  It even seems corny to write despite how many people I know that’ve had success with finding someone on the internet.  Dating quickly lead me to further unknown territory and before I knew it, I was in love.  I had been out to my close friends and immediate family for quite some time but, talking about my sexuality with anyone further seemed pointless when I wasn’t dating or even interested in it at that time.  I would never pretend to be anything I’m not but I must say, I’ve never been more proud of who I am than right now.

Needless to say, this new love in my life was certainly a major factor in my decision to come home early from this years bike journey.  I felt I was leading myself down a massive, unnecessary detour that would yield no benefits to what I was trying to do with my life: be a full time artist among my friends and family and my boyfriend and embrace what it means to have a home.  

Damn, love is good, love is great...someone ought to write a song about it.  I’m overjoyed to be sitting at my studio desk as I write this out, finished and unfinished pieces of art all around me, table covered in tubes of paint and pencils, a hot cuppa coffee within reach; as well as a head full of inspiration and a heart full of love.  I feel uninhibited, invincible and excited for the future.